“She just doesn’t turn me on”, he says, “I don’t know why.”
I say, “What WOULD turn you on?”
My client, he says, “If I saw her wildness, her edge, her sexy side. But it’s like she’s a cold fish, and it doesn’t make me want to call her again.”
I say, “What if you had the power and the opportunity to draw those features out in her, and in every woman?”
When we say, “I’m just not into her”, it’s like looking at two logs & kindling in a fireplace and saying, “There’s just not a fire.”
Sometimes we forget: Relating is a dynamic process wherein the two of you are co-creating a reality.
The difference between dating by default [BORING/EXHAUSTING] and creating deep, exciting connections is in realizing your partner is responding to you. By following a few practices, you can ignite the heart of a woman and turn her into a roaring tigress. Trust me on this one.
What you see is NOT what you get when it comes to dating.
What you BRING is what you GET.
Ask yourself, “What am I offering this woman that brings out her most alive and authentic self?”
You can help her bloom, activate her feminine beauty, and get her juices flowing. You can help her relax into the possibility of you as a partner of any sort. Her sexual circuitry will light up when she feels your authentic heart conjoined with your unwavering presence. Do not attempt to fake either.
Gentlemen, inside every woman is a delightfully sexual she-beast, circling the savannah and waiting for safety before she prances out in all her glory. Your role is to secure the safety of the savannah.
1) Give her your full attention. Make eye contact and watch her body. Stop trying to perform and just drink her in. Let her talk more than you. Listen intently, don’t interrupt her. And put your phone away. [aside – my clients often say, “But she talks forever.” My response: a) Talking is foreplay for women, see it this way and it won’t be so tedious, b) Your attention span is out of shape my friend! You need to strengthen it. Make it through just a few conversations and it gets easier. Promise.]
2) Ask open-ended questions that invite her to reveal her heart. Forget about contrived questions, follow your natural curiosity. This means you will have to pay attention to what she’s saying. “You’ve had a rough day? How so?”
3) Praise her. Reinforce what you enjoy in her, by noticing it and complimenting it. “I love when you get that mischievous look in your eyes. It’s so beautiful to me.” FYI – Bullshit will backfire, so only say what you mean.
And look – this is a distillation. I could write a bazillion steps (maybe I will). And of course, we’re complex and have varied portals into sexual expression. This is the most basic place to start.
Have fun [CREATING] your tigress. I love you!
PS – Goes both ways! Ladies you’re next.
PPS – I love working with men SO MUCH.