Menopause is an Ego Death, and I've Got You.

🥳 I am officially in menopause. Your congratulations are welcomed!

👑 You might be thinking this is brave or un-sexy to “admit”, but one of the greatest gifts of menopause is that you stop caring. What delicious freedom!! And for f*ckssake, every woman will go through it. Why don’t we talk about it? I refuse any shame-narrative that we become less attractive if we do.

👑 This month marks one year since I’ve bled, after 5 years of perimenopause fraught with serious health conditions. I’m not gonna lie - for me it's been a nightmare, set to the backdrop of a global pandemic, long stretches of crushing isolation, and philosophical ruptures in *ALL* my social support networks - which was traumatizing to my already fragile system. I was totally unprepared for this passage and had to scavenge for guidance, mostly in reaction to severe physical symptoms.

👑 So - now that I’m on the other side, I’m sharing with YOU some pieces I wish I had known 5 years ago.

Some women sail through menopause. That may be the case for you! Hurrah!

👑 But for most, menopause is a dismantling of Self, a deconstruction of your identity, and a death-rebirth process.

👑 The more you resist this, the more you will suffer (I did), and the longer you will delay your UPGRADE.

👑 The good news is - menopause is a profound initiation to your Secret Powers - powers that have been hidden from you until you have the wisdom to use them properly.

But you must go through the Shadowlands and face your deepest fears to get your Secret Powers. It’s a Heroine’s Journey that unfolds in mappable stages that I WISH I’D KNOWN ABOUT but didn’t. Now that I do - it all makes sense.

👑 The most important challenge of this Heroine’s Journey is that you allow your old Identity to die and make space to grieve who you once were.

My ego death came from gaining 30 lbs overnight. I’ve been forced to confront my vanity, self-absorption and over-identification with sexual attractiveness. This brought on intense shame and anxiety, I can’t even tell you what horror it’s been (no weight loss advice, please). I’m finally in acceptance of my new voluptuousness and actually kinda rocking it.

My breasts went from a B cup my entire life to triple-Ds! I call them my floatation devices and they’re actually super helpful for snorkeling. 🤣

If you’re in your 30's or 40’s and vaguely aware that this transition awaits you, don’t worry. Keep cranking out your mission full-force, you are in glory days. I do suggest to get your health in tip-top shape by 45, and clean up your microbiome.

👑 But YOU will have your own initiation my love, and you will face your own worst parts and inner critics in order to make peace with them. It may topple you for a moment. Let it. Embrace the medicine of the death-cycle and prepare a soft place to fall.

👑 If you’ve been through the transition and emerged as a Queen in her Full Power, I bow to you. I get it now. I could not grok this odyssey, and the courage it requires, until I went through it myself.

👑 From menstruation to motherhood to menopause - It’s unfathomable to me that, after all we endure, women are not worshiped and catered to day in and out. After 50 we should be QUEENS, plump and pleasured, lounging on red velvet, fanned with palm fronds and fed chocolate or french fries or whatever the f*ck we want, dispensing orders on how to rule the world.

✨ Now - I am emerging from the journey, at full power and filled with light. Turned on more than ever.

Because this life stage has appallingly few supports, and I’ve amassed a scholarly vault of research....

⭐️ I've created an affordable support circle for women in - and approaching - the menopausal portal.

👑 The Passage to Power 👑

Share with any women who would benefit.

♥️ You're not going crazy, I’ve got you, my love.

The Night I Got Lost

As a fiercely independent, self-proclaimed “alpha woman”, it was in the darkest surge of the pandemic that I turned 50. I, like many women, had been dreading that number for years, as if it were a line I would cross into oblivion, where I no longer mattered. All the things I loved would be out of my grasp from then on. Sex, love, attention, vitality, success, joy, all would vanish at the big 5-0. I would plummet down a deep well of irrelevance for the rest of my life. Pleasure would be permanently deleted.

Game over.

I was also in the throes of perimenopause. I was depressed, lonely, and 30 pounds overweight. My self-worth was at an all-time low. If you’ve been through it you *may* have some idea of what I mean.

Between the isolation of being single during a pandemic, turning 50, and the afflictions of perimenopause at a moment when the world was in collective catastrophe, my soul was aching for an escape.

I needed to feel alive again. To sink into a blue ocean and float. And cry.

So on impulse, I took an extended trip to the Big Island of Hawaii.

I had been there about a month when one day, after a long day of working, I needed air. So I looked in my handy guide book and found the perfect stroll - an interpretive nature walk in a cloud forest. 1 mile in total, about a 15 minute walk.

When I arrived I saw people walking dogs, out for a casual leg stretch, walking alone with no packs or gear, so I left mine behind and opted for just my phone.

It was a *gorgeous* trail, through a dense and misty jungle. I strode in deep appreciation of Hawaii’s splendor, in a steady sure-footed pace.

But it went on a lot longer than 15 minutes. Where was the turn-around spot? And the guidebook had said that signs would guide me => But there were no signs.

With no cell signal, my GPS was useless, so I kept going, figuring the loop would deliver me back to the parking lot.

The late afternoon light was waning, I knew I had only about an hour of daylight. At least I had a flashlight on my phone - just in case.

On and on the trail went, and I felt an uneasiness rise in my chest. My heart began to flutter. This just wasn’t right.

My best intuition, typically sharp with navigation, told me to stay on the trail. It began to wind UP the steepest grade I've ever climbed. Aside - I later learned I was walking up the side of a volcano.

After an hour of straight uphill, over sharp rocks and vines, sweating and aching and dehydrated, I knew I was in trouble. I fell to my knees and prayed to Pele, the fiery patron goddess of the island. That b*tch has always dealt me in the fiercest way. I called on all my angels, guides and ancestors for help.

It was now completely dark, the blackest night I've ever been in, with the clouds obscuring any moon or star light.

I used my phone light to hobble up the treacherous mountain, at times on my hands and knees. It had to go *somewhere*. Another hour passed.

My phone was draining, I had just 10% battery left.

I was completely, utterly lost.

And then my light went out.

I froze.

I could not even see my hand in front of my face. How was I going to get out of this jungle?

My heart was drumming inside my chest, my mouth went dry, and hypervigilance set in. Every possible threat ran through my mind. Are there predators? Snakes? Centipedes? What about crime? Or weather? I decided my greatest risk was of injury if I kept going.

So I sat down in the mud. At worst, I would spend the night here.

In the darkness, the jungle was alive with bird songs, insects, and mysterious rustles. Even the silence was alive. I was at once immensely grateful for my years of personal work - because I used *all* of it to attune to my surroundings.

I used my breath to calm my system.

And I became the jungle.

Who I was, at the level of my identity, broke into pieces. It had to. I had to become someone new in order to survive this experience. I felt the old Eva dissolve into particles of vibrant, multi-colored light.

I felt my spine grow taller. My chest lifted, courage pooled into my heart, and I started to sing.

My voice leapt out of my throat as if I weren’t the one singing. It rippled out in some unknown language. I sang songs of reverence to the jungle and I felt Her singing back through me. Not in words, but in sounds I had never heard before.

I don't know how much time passed in this liminal state - singing and merged with the jungle - but suddenly a floodlight appeared on the path ahead. Maybe a car!? A flashlight!? I managed to crawl up the path, hooting and hollering for help, and it was....the MOON. The bright, full Moon. The mist parted to reveal Her in a blinding glory.

The moon lit up the jungle enough so that I could scramble to a clearing - and my phone had ONE tiny bar of signal!

I was at a choice point.

One part of me said,

"Great! Now there's light - now you can figure out how to get back!"

Another voice said, "EVA - CALL FOR HELP".

The latter sounded like my mom's voice, and tears spilled out of my eyes, because for 3 years now she had been gone.

Still doubting, I asked God if I am really that important to cause all the trouble of getting rescued.

The answer came swiftly.

“YES”.

I placed a reluctant, trembling call to 911, and immediately after, the clouds closed over the moon and that inky blackness returned.

The clouds had cleared just long enough for me to place that call for help.

An hour later a helicopter arrived, thundering over the mountain with a searchlight, and for a long time that light scoured the jungle looking for me, and no matter how loudly I shouted it did not find me. The jungle was too dense. It didn’t see me. I panicked. Riddled with adrenaline and exhaustion, my voice went out and I gave up.

The helicopter disappeared.

I sat in silence and reached again for the energetics I had studied. I broadcasted my location through the quantum field, proclaiming. “I AM HERE, and I MATTER”.

Another 30 minutes passed when a military-issue ATV came roaring up the mountain. I managed to wave my arms. When it reached me, a *very* strong man in fatigues jumped off, knelt by my side, and said, “Are you ok?”.

This time, it was MY answer that came swiftly.

“YES”.

He smiled, and lifted me onto the back of his ATV. I wrapped my arms around his waist, placed my head against his back, and held on for my dear and precious life. I could feel his heart. I let myself be carried by his enormous strength. Throughout the long trek back to safety, he assured me: “I’ve got you.”

When we emerged from the jungle there were fire trucks, paramedics, a stretcher, and about 20 military personnel ready to care for me. I thanked them all for their service.

My rescuer never left my side, he escorted me all the way home.

I let him.

While I wouldn’t wish this type of emergency on anyone, Hawaii had her way with me.

The worthless me gave way to the worthy me, and now I will never, ever let her go.

I look back and see how silly it was to believe that for women - the good life ends at 50. Or with menopause. Yet I know I am not alone in this conditioning.

Just like that dark jungle, I, too, am alive with feracious mysteries.

Just like the path that diverged, I , too, diverge from the narrative of women aging.

Mahalo Nui Loa Pele, thank you for reminding me:

I am wise, I am wild, and I am worthy.

Prepare to be Disappointed in Your "King".

Ladies, I hate to break it to you, but prepare to be disappointed in your "King".

If you're a ”Queen" who’s calling in your “King”, that's super wonderful. 🌹 But after you've read the memes and spent the money on properly installing your "codes", you may be in for a surprise.

👉🏼 Kings will not always act like Kings.
Sometimes they're overthrown because they're not fit to lead.
Sometimes they go mad.
Sometimes they behead their Queen in favor of another (King Henry VIII executed TWO of his SIX).

That's the problem with monarchy. Aside from being a terribly outdated ruling system, the archetypes are glorified dictatorships - from violent, fu*ked up epochs of human history.

Perpetuating these metaphors, without the grounding of present-context, nuts-and-bolts relational skills, are just egging you on to dream about your aggrandized fairytale relationship.

In real life, relationships are a fantastically complex phenomenon.

💪 Your so-called King WILL say and do stupid shit.
He will drink too much, slam the door, fart in bed, and emotionally melt down like a 12 year old school girl.

He will have his King moments, and his not-so-King moments.

So will you, Queen, forget your crown from time to time. 👑
Humans fall off their royal high horse, get back on, govern imperfectly, and repeat.

This is the problem if hierarchical mythologies become an absolute operating system, rather than ONE tool out of many.

My practice is FULL of disappointed couples who discover that their "Twin Flame" also stinks up the bathroom. They come to ME to re-write their Mythic Love Story into a more satisfying (and sustainable) one.

It's easy to get twitter-pated about attracting a powerful man, one who has the "King" or "Alpha" energy you dream of.

🎯 Can you get equally enthusiastic about skillfully holding space for an imperfect man to rise in a real relationship? Because THIS 👉🏼 like it or not 👈🏼 is the true calling for women today.

I know it's not as exciting to say "Call In the Prime Minister of Your Parliamentary Democracy" 🤣

And it wouldn't sell to say "Call In Your [Sometimes] King [Who May Have His Weaknesses] and Skillfully Hold Space for Him [When He Flounders] Without Losing Your Boundaries [and then Laugh Hysterically About Your Mutual Royal F*cked-Upness]." 🤣

Stay grounded, Queens. A solid understanding of relating skills & masculine psychology to compliment your King-catching will prevent you from ever needing ME to clean up your relationship.

Study up! => Aphrodite Circle is an excellent place to start!

Here if you need me.

I love you ♥️

What If You (or Your Partner) Needs Clitoral Stimulation?

“What if  your partner needs clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm?” 

This was the title of a video recently published by a male s@x coach.

I felt furious, exasperated, in disbelief.

Really? 

The largest study of female 0rgasm in The Journal of S@x and Marital Therapy (2017) found that only 18% of women can reach 0rgasm through penetration alone [I actually think it’s lower].

SO YES, TOUCH HER CLITORIS [and ask before you do].

Annnd what she needs even more than that is…

=> For you to show up, follow through, and keep your word
=> To get still and listen to her bodyTo give her your undivided attention
=> To softly inquire how she feels, and listen to her
=> To explore her body with the tips of your fingers, the palm of your hand, the edge of your tongue, and ask, “Like this? Or like that?”
=> To stroke, massage, and hover your hands over every part of her body EXCEPT her genitals for oh – about an hour – before you even THINK about touching her clitoris.
=> When you suspect, but are unsure, if she’s just had an orgasm, ask her, “how are you feeling?” or “was that an orgasm? A wave of pleasure?”
=> Make it safe for her to express herself. Say, “I want to hear what you like.” “Let me know what feels good.”

==> When I teach men how to understand the female body, and most importantly – how to communicate with her, guess what?

She enjoys it. A LOT. So does her partner.

Let me be clear –
A woman needing clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm is NOT:
A problem 
A barrier to overcome
A sign that that a man is inadequate

But how do you know for sure?

✨Communication✨

Hot s@x awaits you, just talk to each other. 

That is all, I love you!  

PS => The well-meaning sex coach’s advice: “If your woman can’t come through penetration, and touches herself during s@x, don’t worry, it’s not YOUR fault, buddy. Enjoy your life. You can also use a different position that presses on her cl1t, or you can use your thumb.”
.
PPS => Coming soon! My follow-up article, “What to do if your man needs his pen1s touched to reach orgasm.”

What If I Don't Orgasm?

I’m tired of hearing women say, “I don’t orgasm.” Or:
“It’s hard for me to get off”
“I take too long, so I fake it.”
”It only happens with a vibrator” [shame face]

And this one gets to me: “I don’t know if I’ve ever had an orgasm.”

All of these unfortunate complaints are the result of pure patriarchal BS! From sexual mis-education and lies we’ve been fed that women’s sexuality should be like men’s -and- should please men.

To YOU beloved, lovely lady: if you’ve ever questioned the “rightness” of YOUR particular version of orgasm or what you call non-orgasm: NOTHING WILL MAKE YOU 0RGASM MORE/BETTER/FASTER IF YOU BELIEVE YOU’RE BROKEN.

👉🏼 You are not broken
👉🏼 Nothing is wrong with you
and
👉🏼 There is much for you (and all of us!) to discover.

WHAT IF…..
🔥 Orgasm were a mind-blowing, full body blast-off to outer space where you dissolved into bliss, met God, and downloaded all the mysteries of the universe??

WHAT IF…..
🔥 Orgasm were available to you in every moment, in response to all things that make you happy? Chocolate-gasms, sunset-gasms, wine-gasms? I’m talking ORGASM FOR DAYS!
.
==> Welcome to my world, step inside….

I love you,

Eva

Is Your P*ssy Magic?

Is your p*ssy magic?✨

A woman’s capacity for sexual pleasure is physiologically informed by how she feels about her body, and our culture SLAMS us with messages that our sex organs are gross, evil, and ugly. 

(Exhibit A – Labiaplasty is the world’s fastest growing cosmetic procedure. Exhibit B – the disappearance of pubic hair. Both are sad events in my book). 

If you’re laying with your partner worried that he might find you disgusting, it’s super hard to relax & enjoy things. Ever done that? Probably most of us have. 

If you don’t love it => it ain’t gonna feel good

I SAY: Buck the BS that your exquisite flower is anything other than holy, intelligent, and your ALLY. Partners that worship your pu$$y will help (pictured)

Have a running conversation with your p*ssy all day. Touch Her, check in with Her, give Her a voice. The more you think about Her, it plumps up the nerve highway between the brain and pelvis, and you’ll have more sensation and pleasure. Pussy is happiest when She’s heard and respected. Can you relate???

Nature installed magnificent bells and whistles to ensure that you want – and get – the deep soul-stirring, multi-orgasmic sex you need. 

==> If this is not happening OFTEN for you, step into my world.

How To Get Turned On by a Woman

“She just doesn’t turn me on”, he says, “I don’t know why.”

I say, “What WOULD turn you on?”

My client, he says, “If I saw her wildness, her edge, her sexy side. But it’s like she’s a cold fish, and it doesn’t make me want to call her again.”

I say, “What if you had the power and the opportunity to draw those features out in her, and in every woman?”

I smile. When we say, “I’m just not into her”, it’s like looking at two logs & kindling in a fireplace and saying, “There’s just not a fire.”

Sometimes we forget: Relating is a dynamic process wherein the two of you are co-creating a reality.

The difference between dating by default [BORING/EXHAUSTING] and creating deep, exciting connections is in realizing your partner is responding to you. By following a few practices, you can ignite the heart of a woman and turn her into a roaring tigress. Trust me on this one. What you see is NOT what you get when it comes to dating. What you BRING is what you GET.

Ask yourself, “What am I offering this woman that brings out her most alive and authentic self?”

You can help her bloom, activate her feminine beauty, and get her juices flowing. You can help her relax into the possibility of you as a partner of any sort. Her sexual circuitry will light up when she feels your authentic heart conjoined with your unwavering presence. Do not attempt to fake either.

Gentlemen, inside every woman is a delightfully sexual she-beast, circling the savannah and waiting for safety before she prances out in all her glory. Your role is to secure the safety of the savannah.

Here’s how:

1) Give her your full attention. Make eye contact and watch her body. Stop trying to perform and just drink her in. Let her talk more than you. Listen intently, don’t interrupt her. And put your phone away. [aside – my clients often say, “But she talks forever.” My response: a) Talking is foreplay for women, see it this way and it won’t be so tedious, b) Your attention span is out of shape my friend! You need to strengthen it. Make it through just a few conversations and it gets easier. Promise.]

2) Ask open-ended questions that invite her to reveal her heart. Forget about contrived questions, follow your natural curiosity. This means you will have to pay attention to what she’s saying. “You’ve had a rough day? How so?”

3) Praise her. Reinforce what you enjoy in her, by noticing it and complimenting it. “I love when you get that mischievous look in your eyes. It’s so beautiful to me.” FYI – Bullshit will backfire, so only say what you mean.

And look – this is a distillation. I could write a bazillion steps (maybe I will). And of course, we’re complex and have varied portals into sexual expression. This is the most basic place to start.

Have fun [CREATING] your tigress.

I love you! 

Eva

PS – Goes both ways!

PPS – I love working with men SO MUCH.

Make Love to Your Demon

If you want better s*x, then MAKE LOVE TO YOUR DEMON. Your dirty, snarling, messy inner demon. 

Stop cleaning yourself up. 

Stop pretending anything. 

Stop worrying about how you look, or if he’ll finally pay attention to you now that you f*cked him. 

And for the love of god, stop stalking him on Instagram. It’s a road to nowhere 

Your inner Demon has a deep intelligence, She represents a rebellion that you need. That the world needs 🌈

Women have a millennia’s worth of cellular memory that says if we displease a man, he’ll hurt us – or even worse, abandon us (which to the female evolutionary brain equals death. No kidding). 

Even if that’s not logically true these days, our survival instinct is alive inside our bodies. It buries itself in the throat and it chokes us. 

PLUS –
Trauma
Resentment
Culture
Religion
all conspire to steal our voice. 

Makes it hard for us to say
No…
Not yet…
Like this, please…
I want…
I feel…
I would love…
Could you please…

But your Demon says “FUUUUUUCK THAT SHIT” ⚡️

She’ll ROAR, KICK, DROOL, HISS, and make a profound mess of things that NEED to be messed up – like our current paradigm of sex .

Can you feel Her?

TIME TO LET HER OUT 🌟

I love you (and your dirty Demon) 

Pleasure and Pain

Tune into your heart deeply enough and you’ll find that you’re always running a spectrum of feelings simultaneously. Your salvation is in the excruciating awareness of it all.

Pleasure is messy, dirty, pungent. And the heart is complex, with layers upon layers of emotion, all of them necessary to bring us alive, fully.

Pleasure doesn’t always come in a pink box. It’s not a frivolous indulgence, like a luxury vacation or a promise of orgasms. It lives side by side with the realities of life. Pleasure can mean feeling that whole mind-boggling spectrum so acutely, that you actually discover ecstasy through it.

It’s a commitment to loving yourself and all your messiness, and to walk the path you were born to, however difficult it might be.

Pleasure can be a volcanic upheaval that threshes you naked. A devastation that robs you of all the ways you hide. A crisis that forces you to ask, or beg, God to walk beside you. It can mean crying so hard that a sort of euphoria befalls you and you soar into the stars – have you ever done that? I have.

You might dance because you have to. You might feel your breath more exquisitely because there is nothing left to hold on to. You might let a friend in, because they love you enough to insist (Anah).

Now more than ever I’m accessing a broader practice of pleasure – in yoga, dance, prayer, rest. 

PLEASURE GIVES US THE COURAGE TO FALL APART.

When you’re in pain, what do you reach for?

“Even the ache in your heart is holy.” – THE RADIANCE SUTRAS, translated by Lorin Roche.

We’re in this together. I love you ❤

To Find Big Love You Must Stop Playing Small

Deep down, women often believe that playing full-out in life will make it harder to find love. But exactly the opposite is true.

When you’re playing in your pleasure, and working in your divine assignment, THAT’S when your Beloved appears. When your soul is aligned with your work, your whole being sings, and he will hear that song and follow it until he finds you. And when he does, he will match you vibrationally. 

If you stay small, and shine less than 100%, SO WILL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

This is the recipe for chronic disappointment and frustration. When you hold back your gifts, your soul is in agony, so to soothe the pain the mind steps in to invent “stories” that reconcile the gap between what you’re doing, and what you’re CAPABLE of doing.

That’s when we choose partners based on our unhealed wounding, low self-worth, and addictive needs.

So SHINE ON brilliant ones. DO NOT dim your light or your PLEASURE. And a love beyond your wildest dreams will come. 

I want this reality for you, because I love you.

-  Eva

Can A Woman Have Casual Sex?

I want to talk about casual sex. The most common question I hear from women is, “How do I have sex and not get attached?” The problem in this question is the inference that something’s wrong with getting “attached.” Since when is that a bad thing? Why isn’t NOT getting attached seen as wrong/bad/crazy? It seems there’s a lot of confusion between sexual empowerment and self sacrifice. Our culture is bent in favor of masculine goal-oriented conquest sex. This is the influence of patriarchy, with an extra helping of internet pornography. [Aside – some women find freedom and empowerment with this model. Let’s celebrate them. However, most do not]. The male-model ideal of casual sex is setting up a no-win situation for women – who are supposed to shoehorn their needs for love at some violence to themselves. Sometimes we can have a brief encounter and walk away pleased and unscathed. Other times, it can feel like a shredding of the soul. In light of this, and in understanding female biology, I do not recommend casual sex for women. But understand that to me, sex is never CASUAL; it’s a profound sharing of our most intimate energies. I DO recommend sex when you’re honored, respected, and adored. A woman’s body is a bullshit detector….We can sense when we’re unsafe or unloved. All too often, we sacrifice ourselves and override the signals that say ‘stop’, in hopes that we’re wrong, or he will change, or….[fill in your blank]. FYI, I’ve done this PLENTY ^. I don’t believe in “rules” when it comes to sex – like wait ’til you’re committed, be poly, be mono, blah blah blah. Some people make rules and that’s great. I just like to break them. When it comes to sex, I have one foundational ethic: HONOR your body’s wisdom. And it helps your body to assess the situation by having honest conversations before engaging. You have the right to say what’s true for you. Say what you’re afraid to say. Be sober. Be real. Be ready to walk away. But if your body gives the green light, and you feel fully heard, seen, and safe, then g’head and ride that river of pleasure surging through your skin. The feminine longs for ecstasy, life, and sensation. If the experience is not affirming of these things for you, pause it. And if you proceed despite your body’s signals to stop, you’re still beautiful and powerful. We live in a culture that does not respect the feminine, and tends to mock our preoccupation with love. But I want you to know – your body is a sacred gate to heaven. Your heart is your superpower. Pause before you give either away. I love you.  My sisters, let’s go deeper on this, so you get the love and sex that is your birthright…nourishing, adoring, and outrageously pleasurable.

Why You're Obsessing On Him

We all know that good sex gives women superpowers.

If we’re touched – physically or emotionally – in the right way for US, we get a major flood of hormones that trigger an explosion of good things – like confidence, and creativity. But these hormones also trigger OBSESSIVE THINKING and self-sacrificing behaviors (!) as nature’s way of pair-bonding us with potential baby-daddies.

If the source of our pleasure then disappears for whatever reason, we will literally go into chemical withdrawal. ACTUAL, real, painful withdrawal.

In order for women to sexually empower, we have to understand the ways in which evolution designed us to pursue love. It’s not a weakness, it’s our nature.

The only problem is that it conflicts with our culture, which tells us we’re “crazy” for being so emotional or needy.

Here’s the deal – When you’re aware of your physiology (I can actually FEEL my oxytocin kickin’), you can PARTNER with your own emotional body, instead of being tossed around by it. You can modulate the release of these hormones and master your sex life. Then – dating, love, commitment, one night stands, long-term monogamy – whatever your flavor – becomes a playground instead of a minefield.

Sound good? Can I tempt you to learn more?

It will completely transform the way you do sex and love, and trust me, it’s WAY MORE FUN than a broken heart.

And I love you,

Eva

Loneliness Is Your Lover

Dear Ones,

Stop reaching for shallow, temporary fulfillment.

Stop trying to numb yourself with things and people that have no capacity to love you in the way you’re aching to be loved.

There are treasures hiding in your sorrow, let yourself break open to them. All the way open, until you have no other option but to dance with the darkness inside you.

Until your hunger drives you to plunge your tongue into the sweet pot of chaos in your heart. Until you savor your aloneness like wild honey on the tongue. 

Transform your craving for love into POWER.  And rock your loneliness. Full out.

Because when you realize you are everything already, then…you can bravely curate the connections that aren’t nourishing you. Shift them, or let them go (ask me how).

Delight in the sumptuousness of your own company.

Breathe into your belly, that tender bowl of wisdom and longing, and love it. Oh my goodness, love it.

Loneliness is sacred kindling for the fire of desire; put your breath upon its flames.

Feel it burn away what’s holding you back from love. Let it show you what you really, really want.

Then, see that your heart is a vast and holy temple. Kneel upon its steps. Inhale the crisp air of possibility hanging in its halls.

And when you’re ready, let it fill with light.

Only light.

I love you,

Eva

Desire

Go on – say it – what do you desire in this moment? 

I desire: timelessness, wet rain forests, salty french fries, a nap in a hammock, a man to kiss me tenderly, and unabashed naked dancing.

Desire is the most creative force in the universe, it’s the root -and- the road to your soul. Desire infuses us with courage, it points the way, it tells the truth.

I’m not talking about the *fulfillment* of desire, but rather the very ache that urges us toward wild aliveness. 

We must learn to listen to our longings, plunge our tongue into the sticky jar of life, and actually…taste…freedom. 

I love you,

Eva

How To Have a Big, Fat, F-ing Juicy Everything

Recently I stood before a large, blank sheet of paper with the intention of listing my goals for the new year. The clear white of it felt so good to me; limitless, and available. I had an exhilarating sense of possibility. Goals began to swirl around my mind – This, That, and The Other. “I need…I should…I ought to…it all came thundering through my mind.

I froze in overwhelm, my pen poised. And then my hands found my belly, and I extended my breath into the soles of my feet, and with a deep exhale, I felt the fires of desire rise and engulf me. Only ONE goal emerged for the year, and it somehow wrote itself: “I want a big, fat, fucking juicy EVERYTHING.”

Like many women, I’ve spent years toiling to achieve in the masculine paradigm that says, “hard work earns your worth”. And in my line of work, achievement is not measured by money, but Service (with a capital S). How many lives can I positively impact? How much hope and joy can I infuse on the planet? My driving ambition, coupled with 20 years of service as an activist, healer and teacher, stressed me to the point of severe exhaustion. Things have recently changed.

These days I take naps. I do yoga at my leisure. I read poetry and dance every day. I got a cat -and- a boyfriend. As I write this it’s 3:20 in the morning and I don’t care. I pause to listen to my body, it never fails me. And you know what? I’m deliriously happy. And my clients are soaring.

What’s your vision for the next year? Or five? Where (and how) are you aiming your focus? And why?

I invite you to tune into your deepest desires, not your pragmatic, obligatory needs, but your outrageous emotional longings. Start there. Give up your need to know how to achieve your dreams, just breathe into those aching places inside you, those parts of you craving something fun, more meaningful, more rewarding.

Stroke your soul like a sleeping lion, and watch it wake with a ROAR.

Good things are coming…..

I love you,

Eva

The Modern Woman Smiles With a Cosmic Secret (She Knows God Is In Her Panties)

The Modern Woman…. Is turned about her own life, and understands it’s her power source. Has a smile like a cosmic secret, as if god were in her panties. Is not ashamed to choose a career over a child, or vice versa.  Often chooses both. Celebrates her desires unabashedly. Takes extraordinary pleasure in most things, and understands that pleasure is an essential vitamin. Has sway and grace in her stride. Laughter rolls easily from her mouth. Knows her worth, from deep inside, and achieves incredible things from that place. Extends great compassion, but rarely compromises. Makes eye contact and is not afraid to meet the world. Is curious and does not apologize for it. Is ambitious and does not apologize for it. Allows her erotic nature to fully express. Boldly insists that challenges are sacred opportunities. Takes ownership that she is the Creatrix of her life. Asks for what she wants. Enjoys the breadth of her emotional body and is not afraid of tears. But knows when not make choices from emotional reactivity. Makes a stand to protect herself, her sisters, and all of life. Delights in the mystery of her nature; cyclical, flowing, ever-shifting. Gracefully surrenders when needed. Is aware and active in representing the feminine voice in political systems. Embraces the full spectrum of experience, even the challenges, and knows they brings her more alive. Interprets set backs and suffering to be exquisite messages about her life purpose. Is continually healing, learning and growing at all times.  She uncovers and heals her wounds, sabotaging patterns, and limiting beliefs. Knows that if he doesn’t call back he’s not for her. Honors her cycles, and draws wisdom from the moon. Decides who she wants to be in the world, and what she wants to create. Is wild, unruly, and often unkempt. Chooses relationships that honor and inspire her. Has the courage to meet her own edges. Lifts up other women. Puts her phone away at meals. Is driven by rhythm; she sings, drums, and dances with zealous abandon.  

When You Really Just Need to Lay Down

So – I’ve been tired. You know – that kind of tiredness that comes from the bones, the soul. My work in the world is exploding, which is GREAT, but I decided to take a break and head to an ashram for a spiritual re-set (an ashram is a Hindu religious retreat).

I know there’s a place for structure and discipline. I’m a big believer in it.

I tried in my over-achiever way. I sat chanting for hours at 4am. But everything in me screamed “THIS IS NOT WHAT YOUR SOUL NEEDS.”

The dogma, the orthodoxy – it had no joy, spontaneity or pleasure! There was no flow, nothing honoring the feminine form, no song, dance, or expression.

Turns out I’m not so good at ashram-ming.

It was a profound reminder for me of the necessity for pleasure as a spiritual practice, of the place that ecstasy holds in our sacred process, and that the REAL spiritual authority is my own inner guidance.

And my inner guidance said, “EVA, LAY DOWN”.

So I did. On rocks, grass, and for endless hours in a hammock. I skipped all the satsangs and asanas and sadhanas and followed the religion of my heart.

At the end of my week, I felt spiritually re-set, NOT from the chanting or rigid postures of the discipline, but from the deep nourishment of nature.

In fact, I extended my trip and I’m still here in the Sierra Mountains, listening to nature and laying in all sorts of places that call me.

You’re allowed to find enlightenment in YOUR way.

==> MY way is ecstasy.  And at the moment – LAYING DOWN.  

What is YOUR soul craving that might be outside the rules?